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Smitehammer
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A thought - for the

A thought - for the conversation with Nedhelas and the Argonian, instead of ending with 'I don't think that will help with my problem', you could say 'I don't think more spirits will help with my problem', using the double meaning of the word 'spirit' and further alluding to the haunting.

Also, if Falanaamo is a friend of Shenk's, go ahead and write some lines between them, and even between Falanaamo and other patrons if you're up for it.  It is quite likely that we can include visiting the place in his 'schedule', if we're reminded of it.

The dialogue looks pretty solid, well thought out and in-character.  Well done!

dragon015
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Hello again I didn't realize

Hello again I didn't realize we had to post work here, i posted it on the other forum, but here it is again

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Willowisp
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@ Smerk: Well, that sure

@ Smerk: Well, that sure makes more sense than making them stand around. :P That'll be an easy fix once you've made the decision.

@ Justafan: Thanks! And you're right, that does sound pretty awkward. I fixed that.

Meanwhile, at Fara's Hole in the Wall: I tried to incorporate some exploration hooks (and shopping advice) into the dialogue - inns are traditionally a good place to hear rumors, after all. Hope it's not too ham-fisted. :)

(Also, I made a little edit to the street/misc file: one of Brallion's new lines was poorly worded, so it sounded like there was something wrong with Qa'Dar's legs. Didn't intend that.)

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dragon015 wrote:

dragon015 wrote:

Hello again I didn't realize we had to post work here, i posted it on the other forum, but here it is again

The character Athyn is quite complex.  He's an honorable noble in House Redoran and a keen diplomat who has been under a lot of stress recently.  His primary focus is to protect his family, and with three assassination attempts and the kidnapping of his son this goal has become impossible.

Athyn and his wife would not care about politics at this time - Domesea would worry for her son and her husband's life at the hands of assassins and wonder out loud why anyone would pay so much to the Morag Tong to kill an honorable man, Athyn would try to comfort her, perhaps talking up a big game to cover his own insecurities.  He is frustrated at being forced to play these games that toy with his and his wife's emotions and put his very son in danger, instead of his enemies directly confronting him.

As long as his son is imprisoned, he must bite his tongue in fear.  Once his son is returned safely, he would finally be able to release some of the pent-up anger in tirades against Venim.  He would be willing to sponser the player as Nerevarine if he were to take out Venim.  He'd probably fight Venim himself if he weren't so old, and he won't give Venim the satisfaction of victory.  His son may wish to fight him too, but Athyn would forbid it - he's emaciated from his imprisonment and he just now had him returned safely.

Focus on the family drama, leave the canned speeches of honor and house hlaalu/indoril politics aside.  Maybe plan a few of those 'tired of politics' lines for after Venim is dead.

 

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Good day/evening all,

Good day/evening all,

Here is a very rough draft of the Imperial Chapels and I did a grammar/spell check on my previous stuff so those should be good now.

I'm a little stumped on the Imperial Garrison right now due to the lack on information on most of the characters.  I have a few generic topics listed on that page, but I'm trying to dig up something a little more substantial.  I'll get it turned as quickly as I can.

Cheers!

Krys

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Aurabelle, glad to see more

Aurabelle, glad to see more from you! These lines are generally quite good, though I need to point some things out for just a couple of them. One of Dranas' lines is "Do you think Madrale would let me buy her a sujamma sometime you think?" That seems a little redundant to me. Also, your last muttering from Marasa Aren sounds distinctly like she's directing it at someone, but if this is just muttering to herself, the "would you?" at the end seems out of place. One last thing, and I'm not really sure if this is actually a problem, but the fact that Vadusa calls the commoners "guar" is somewhat confusing for me. I see where you're coming from; it's just like calling the masses "cattle." But I'm not really sure if being called a guar on its own is considered an insult in Morrowind, and to the player who wasn't paying complete attention, it could sound like they were talking about literal guar. Even just a negative description before the word, such as "filthy guar," could easily make it sound more like an insult and less like a statement of fact.

Twentyenginerunner, that is much better! You've definitely got the right balance now, and the lines are very solid. I'd say just follow Smite's advice, and then those lines are easily good enough for me to pass you off on them!

Dragon015, Smite's definitely got the right idea in how you should be writing for these characters. Yes, it is important to stress their Redoran roots, but their general personality as reflected in the game must take precedence over that. Other than that, though, your writing is strong, and I'm sure you'll make a great addition to the team!

Willowisp, I really like these new lines of yours. Just a few recommendations, as always. Some of the phrasing you've used in these lines just feels a little too...modern to me. Two things in particular stand out to me: Fara's line, "Just go for it, girl," and Tedril's phrasing of "we'd be having a way different conversation." Tedril is an easy fix, just replace "way" with "very," as using the word "way" in this manner is a more modern slang and isn't actually grammatically correct. The issue for me with Fara's line is harder to describe; it just seems so... out of place for a woman in a magic-medieval fantasy setting to say. Just a different wording for that would be nice, maybe omit the word "girl." I'm not sure how to describe my reasoning better than that. Oh, and one last thing. I like the little locational guides that you've slipped into conversation, but one of them, with Ridena's mention of the daedric shrine, seems just a little too "hey-did-you-see-that-we're-giving-you-a-clue" to me. I think it would seem more subtle if he just said "that daedric shine nearby." The player can figure out the exact location by themselves; that's part of the adventure. That's all I've got for this batch. Keep up the good work!

Krysalynne, I like your lines for the Imperial Chapel.The only thing that I think this set of lines could really use is a good screening for typos here and there. For instance, Kaye delivers the line, "Wasn't Caryarel, the Altmer were treated in there earlier?". That sort of stuff could use a bit of correction. Also, just a minor note, I see that you have two idle conversations that are supposed to follow each other in a certain order, the ones about willow anther. Just so you know, these exchanges will be appearing randomly, and in no particular order, so if you have two separate scenes that are supposed to happen in succession, be aware that they could quite possibly be swapped and would no longer really make sense.

Good work, everyone! Let's keep the writing flowing!

Justafan
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ANOTHER IMPORTANT UPDATE:

ANOTHER IMPORTANT UPDATE:

I'm pleasantly surprised by the number of people who got back to me after my request for check-ins. Now, the deadline for getting back to me is past, and everyone who has not done so is now considered to be off the project. This includes:

MrBleuGames, ppm4fy, 3quency, Theimmortalmoo, Atticusdragon, Wulfy213, Salem Hollows, Orc-Schmork, Balthazar21, Kienai

Now, if you are one of these people and you missed the deadline, DON'T PANIC. You're welcome to join back at any time, and pick up where you left off. The real implication of this announcement is that you have LOST YOUR CLAIM. Your name has been taken off the signup sheets, and anyone is free to take those positions in your place. The spots you claimed are now up for grabs. If you already submitted partially completed work a long time ago and have since fallen off the map, other writers are free to use it and expand upon it as they see fit, until your return if there should be one. If you want to resume work on the project, sign up again. If your old choices have been taken in your absence, too bad. I hope you see why this is necessary, to ensure that the signup sheet doesn't get clogged up with people who will never write the lines they were supposed to.

Oh, and a note for those who are still with us - Now, if a cell's status is red and listed as "partially completed," that means that someone started working on it but no longer is, and that I have access to that work. If you're interested in signing up for one of those cells, contact me and I can send you the previous work should you want to use it.

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So I’ve taken what Justafan

So I’ve taken what Justafan and Smite said and revised the dialogues completely. But I must ask, what of the older lines. I thought they were usable for when you finish the Redoran line. At least some of them could be of use. Tell me whether or not I took a step in the right direction this time.

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Here are updates to my

Here are updates to my completed cells, taking into account the feedback from various people.

ruckus1995
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reworked version of my

reworked version of my Pelagiad dialogues, and temporary draft of my work on Dagon Fel. Feel free to criticize in any way to make it even better

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(the missing pelagiad

(the missing pelagiad dialogues i talked about in my previous comment)

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pipie123
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Here is the first draft of

Here is the first draft of the Molag Mar Temple idles. Thoughts?

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Justafan
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Hello, everyone! These new

Hello, everyone! These new lines are looking good!

Dragon015, I really like the changes you've made; Athyn is much more in character. Some of the older lines can indeed be salvaged, such as Athyn trying to teach his son Redoran values, as long as you continue to take into account that he is very protective over his son. The problem with many of those lines was not so much what they said about Athyn's character, but what they didn't say, and these new line make up for that.The only lines that I think need to be cut out entirely are lines where Athyn mocks the Morag Tong's assassination attempts, or lines where he displays extreme arrogance or self-confidence, like when he talks about how House Indoril cannot hope to stand up against people like him. The rest should be fine with some minor edits to better reflect his personality. Oh, and one more thing, please don't have characters refer to the player as "the Nerevarine," ever, unless there is some qualifying statement that the player must be past that point in the main quest. This dialog appears randomly throughout the game, which means that the player will probably be hearing it regardless of how far they've progressed in the game. And if the NPCs are all referring to the player as Nerevarine before the player has even declared his or herself as such, it's incredibly immersion-breaking. Generally, when possible, avoid having these conversations mention the player at all, it's just generally easier that way. And when you must, be sure to make any descriptions of the player as vague as possible.

Twentyenginerunner, I like the edits! The writing for all these cells is solid, and I would have no problem taking these as final drafts. I especially like what you've done with the conversation between Dranas Sarathram and Yakov; Dranas feels much more like a slaver now! I can't wait to see what you'll be working on next!

Ruckus, your writing is looking good! I just have a few recommendations. The first thing I noticed is that a lot of your characters seem to speak in very long-winded sentences that don't really have any breaks in them, which sounds kind of awkward when spoken. As an example, here's a line you wrote for Itar the Gentle: "I can’t sleep tight until I know what in Oblivion is going on in that tower, we could get in the guard barracks and steal some swords and armor, The legionnaires here are nice and lazy.. they wouldn’t even notice.." Notice that this entire thing is a run-on sentence, which is grammatically incorrect and sounds rather awkward. Separating it into multiple sentences would make the line sound much more natural. Here's what I do to see if a line is too long. I read the line out loud, and if I can say the entire sentence comfortably in one breath, then it's not too long. If I have to take a pause in the middle, though, it's too long, and ought to be separated into separate sentences. Another thing to look into is how you close some of the exchanges. I notice you tend to like to end with one of the characters saying "goodbye" or "farewell" or something of the type, but sometimes it seems like you've almost forced them on there because you couldn't think of a better way to end the conversation, and it sounds awkward as a result. Look at your dialog between Mette and an imperial guard, for instance. They are in the middle of a debate when the guard says, "Farewell, good citizen" and abruptly shuts off the conversation. It just sounds rather forced when one of the characters, without any warning or inclination, just ends the conversation. Sometimes it's almost more natural to let the conversation trail off without any sort of resolution. The only time when people usually go through the process of goodbyes is when the conversation has been long and substantial beforehand, but when two characters are just exchanging passing remarks, that's not really necessary. All in all, I'm quite impressed by these lines; just fixing those two things will take you a long way!

Pipie, I like your writing! Short, sweet, and to the point! There's just one thing I would ask of you for this cell. Please pay close attention to punctuation, and make sure you end your sentences with whatever punctuation is appropriate. It may not sound too important, but if you think from the perspective of our voice actors, it is incredibly important. The punctuation is what tells our voice actors how to read the lines, whether to be excited, angry, concrete, or just trail off into silence. Without it, the emotions behind the writing tend to stay somewhat vague. Other than that, though, I like what you've got! I hope you can continue writing more!

Oh, also, and this is for EVERYONE, don't be afraid to add your own two cents about what would improve others' writing. I don't want this thread to just be me reviewing everyone's work; you should be able to help improve each others' work as well. As long as you keep your criticism friendly, I'm sure everyone could benefit from this.

Keep up the good work, everyone!

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Thanks for the feedback

Thanks for the feedback Justafan. Here is the revised version. You don't need to read it again as it is exactly the same as before but with proper punctuation. I hope this can serve as a completed cell. Thanks,

PiPie

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thx for the advice about the

thx for the advice about the long sentences, but concerning the farewell, it was actually intended to give the impression the guard didn't give a damn about the citizens' worries and that he didn't want to talk to her anymore. About the terms "good citizen" , that guard should know her pretty well, but he doesn't care, and only says the usual guard lines, because it would be a bother to address her as a person he knows, see where I'm getting at? I pictured in my mind the guard talking with a sarcastic tone. But its alright, i'll change that farewell for something more understandable, thx for the help overall.

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Justafan, I have reworked my

Justafan, I have reworked my dialogues on Dagon Fel, i modified some lines that were probably too long and changed that guard farewell, also, could  my work on Pelagiad be considered as finished?

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Now I just modified some

Now I just modified some lines a bit and removed the bad ones. I made people refer to the player as he/she, friend and you. I hope this will be better.

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I'm not dead! Just had a busy

I'm not dead! Just had a busy weekend.

@ Justafan: Good criticism. Informal speech for a different time/world is a pain to write. Hopefully I got everything cringeworthy cleaned up.

Edit: I'm picking up Wolverine Hall next. Something bigger for a change. :P

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Okay, this is me just getting

Okay, this is me just getting my feet wet with the Guild of Mages in Vivec.  I probably had a little too much fun with Archmage Trebonius, but I can write more with the other NPCs if you want, or change things, or what have you.  Just wanted to throw something at you rather than ask a thousand questions; I'm a "learn by doing" kind of gal.  :)

EtA: Oh the [sir] in brackets is because I don't remember the correct form of address...

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Haha, very nice.  Definitely

Haha, very nice.  Definitely like the Trebonius interactions.  Looking forward to seeing the interactions between the other members.

As for the use of 'sir', I can't find anything comparable to 'muthsera', 'serjo' or what have you for any language other than Dunmeri.  So I'd say sir must be fine to use between altmer and an imperial.

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Would "muthsera" be the

Would "muthsera" be the appropriate term for a Dunmer to use for Trebonius?  And what is "serjo" exactly?  I can't remember hearing that one in-game, but it's been a while.  Just started another playthrough to help with my writing.  :)

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Okay, gather round, everyone,

Okay, gather round, everyone, it's Justafan review time!

Ruckus, thanks for the edits! A lot of things are looking much better! As for the "farewell" line, I'm sorry I misinterpreted it, but honestly, I like the new version even better anyway. I think that it makes the guard sound much more dismissive, which is a nice touch. Now, all the work will be undergoing a final review at the very end, but for now, I'm quite satisfied with the work you've done for those cells. You're welcome to move on to something new!

Dragon015, I really like the progress you've made, and I'd be happy to pass you off on these lines until final review much later in the process. The only thing I would ask of you is that you change he/she lines concerning the player to "they" or "them." It's not technically grammatically correct, but it's a pretty common manner of speaking. And it's important to have this, because having a he/she option means that a) the voice actor will have to do two lines for each of those and b) separate programming would have to go into the idle lines to make changes depending on the gender the player chooses, which just adds an unnecessary layer of complexity. Other than that, though, looks great! Can't wait to see more!

Willowisp, the changes are wonderful. I'm excited to see what you can come up with for Wolverine Hall!

Mishell, those Trebonius lines are utterly fantastic. I was literally laughing in my seat as I read them. What you're doing right now is definitely what we're looking for in our writing, so I urge you to continue. Like Smite said, you should probably add more scenes with interactions between the other NPCs, but remember that not everyone has to interact with everyone. In fact, as long as each NPC has a piece of dialog with one or two others, that's usually good enough for length. I think you'll make a very valuable addition to the team!

This concludes Justafan review time. Please return to your regularly scheduled programming.

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Finished the first draft of

Finished the first draft of the Elven Nations Cornerclub. Looking forward to feedback. The only one who probably could use more solo dialog is Gadela Andus but other than that it should be somewhat completed. Hopefully this stays true to the characters - I'm going off of uesp for their personalities and the information is laking. 

Mishell, really liked your contributions. They added a lot of life to the characters :)

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maddogpony - I love your

maddogpony - I love your stuff! Brilliant.  A couple minor things:  you seem to have left out a word or two at one point in the course of editing.  "I’m not stupid enough you in single combat."  And also I'm pretty sure "Ser" is a Dragon Age thing.  There is one other fantasy universe that uses it (I forget which one) but it's never been used in Elder Scrolls.  Not that I suppose it matters unless there are subtitles...

It's really great stuff though!  It's a lot like the stuff in some of the best RPGs where I find myself lingering unnecessarily in taverns just to try and hear all the lines.  ;)

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Opps. I cannot tell you how

Opps. I cannot tell you how common a mistake leaving out words is for me. Thank you for pointing it out! I fixed it in this upload.

Yeah, I was unsure about titles for Glathel. Being a bosmer I figured using "sera" was exclusively for dunmer. I know "sir" is used in Skyrim. Unfortunately, I'm not well acquainted with Morrowind dialog. I have terrible video game motion sickness that is exceptionally worse when playing older games. I can't play Morrowind for ten minutes without puking into a bucket ;) 

I can't tell you how happy I am that you enjoyed my writing. I get a stupid grin whenever I'm complimented haha Thank you very much!

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I'm replaying Morrowind as we

I'm replaying Morrowind as we speak so I'll let you know if I hear any use of titles other than the Dunmer ones in-game.  I'm curious about it as well.

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Awesome! Please let me know

Awesome! Please let me know if you come across any reoccurring speech patterns and the like. That would be a great help to everyone, I'm sure.

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It seems like sera is a term

It seems like sera is a term of respect, Muthsera is more respectful(?), Serjo is for nobles

that's all i 'know'

muthsera is used a lot by argonians and khajit, probably because they are humble

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Is this enough for the Guild

Is this enough for the Guild of Mages in Vivec?  Still trying to get a feel for this.  Then I'll start grabbing up other places.

EtA: thanks Neargoth - I changed the dunmer's address of Trebonius to "sera;" I think that is a nice compromise between the respect he ought to be showing him and the respect he actually feels ;)

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I will be adding my dialog

I will be adding my dialog shortly, I was almost done but then my document got deleted so I have to redo it all.

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Going from this, muthsera is

Going from this, muthsera is 'mostly' male, sera 'mostly' female, and serjo is a term of great respect - used in legal documents, for addressing nobility, or earned.  For a Dunmer addressing the archmage, I would assume serjo to be the most fitting.

It would be nice to know what this 'mostly' thing means, Mister is not 'mostly' male and Miss is not 'mostly' female.  I imagine it may have been handled differently by sex in Morrowind but perhaps not in Oblivion and Skyrim?  Or perhaps there are just grades of respect and more males hold positions of power in Vvardenfell than females - who knows.  Either way, archmage is a big title, and we know serjo to be unisex.

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Not to be a pest, but my most

Not to be a pest, but my most important question got overlooked I think - was my second posting enough dialogue for the Vivec Mages guild?  Should I write more?  Should I move on to something else?  I have a lot of time this week; I just need to know what I should be working on.  :)

@Denevir - re: the Numidium, were you saying you wanted me to write something about that?  Or that it contradicts something I already wrote?  Or...?

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Why is there a discrimination

Why is there a discrimination between when to use sera and muthsera?  And I've never even heard that female form of serjo before. Everywhere says something different.  So annoying.

Also, Cyrodiil isn't just used in derision by Dunmer, it's the name of the race.

Anyway.  You probably have enough for the Vivec Mages' Guild, heh.

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Okay.  That gives me an idea

Okay.  That gives me an idea of the volume of text you're looking for, then. 

Aaaaaand edited out the rest of this because I have been given other instructions.  :)

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@ Denevir, thanks for all

@ Denevir, thanks for all that feedback on everyone's work! I am currently translating the entire script for the Council Club into Dunmeri, so I got that one already :)

@ruckus1995: Denevir's got most of it, just note that Ahnassi would use her name instead of 'this one' or 'Khajit...', because she is not a slave. Smitehammer has posted on this before, somewhere on this thread if you want a more detailed explanation.

@maddogpony: I like your stuff! Just a couple of things: You mentioned moonsugar in a Khajit greeting, and suggested they go to the No Name Club. I can see why (I'm writing for it now), but there are two problems :That place is full of xenophobic Cammona Tong, and the Khajit would not have a warm welcome. And while the bartender guy sells moonsugar, he apparently doesn't buy it. Weird huh. Maybe they'll change it, but for now I'd say the No Name Club is the last place the Khajit would wanna go :)

@Mishell: I loved the Mages Guild stuff! Bloody brilliant :). I think that probably all good to go now in my opinion, so please do try some other cells :)

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In regards to the thing about

In regards to the thing about the correct word that Dunmer use to derisively refer to Imperials, that line (from the shipmaster in Hla Oad) is not meant to display contempt. She is referring to the Imperials as in the law enforcement that tries to control smuggling. It might be better to replace with Legion or something like that, assuming the Legion deals with this sort of work. I seem to recall something about an Imperial coast guard in Morrowind, although I cannot remember if the Legion was supposed to have anything to do with it.

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Off topic, but I had an idea.

Off topic, but I had an idea. It would be great if a lot of idle dialogue was biased against the player, if the player was Argonian. For example, you're an Argonian and you're walking through Vivec when some random Dunmer yells, "Dirty lizard! Go back to your swamp!"

I'm using this idea in my writing, I thought you guys might like to try it too. It definitely adds life to the game. Just make sure you make it clear on the script that it's being directed at Argonian players only. In fact, racial-specific dialogue in general is an interesting touch, but use it sparingly.

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@pipie123: It's a great idea

@pipie123: It's a great idea yeah...but I was under the impression that the idle banter was not supposed to reference the player in any way (well, not at this point anyway). It may be included later, but for now, I think we were after just stuff that the player may hear in passing which doesn't concern them.

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Here's my draft for Caldera

Here's my draft for Caldera Guild Of Mages. Please tell me what you think!

Thanks, Sputnick.

EDIT: THIS MY OLD VERSION.

 

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Hey Sputnick. I read your

Hey Sputnick. I read your stuff and here are my thoughts:

Grammatically speaking, there are a few typos/punctuation problems to sort out.

It is Propylon, not Polygon.

I think that the last two conversations are fine, but the first (between Folms and Eraamion) could use some work. I mostly say this because its seems strange for Folms to try to send someone on a mere "errand" to retrieve what are essentially lost artifacts of great magical power. It might be better to have him do something like try to get an expedition organized to find the Indices, but fail due to the lack of manpower or willingness of the guild members. You could even get more than one conversation out of this if you wanted to.

Good start. Keep going.

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@Aurabelle Thank you for the

@Aurabelle Thank you for the correction! I saw that one of the clientele there dabbled in moonsugar and didn't even think to check their race. My bad. 

I changed the line to "take it to the sewers"

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@Aurabelle,

@Aurabelle,

Would it matter if others were occasionally heard insulting you? You could expect that in a land full of people who hate you. I don't think it matters too much if the dialogue is directed at the player does it? 

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@pipie123, I agree that its a
@pipie123, I agree that its a good idea, don't get me wrong! It would be nice to have it in game indeed. However, the idea of this idle banter project is to write dialogue which is unrelated to the player, like the conversations one hears between say Mjoll and Aerin in Skyrim, to add depth. Yes, speech directed at the player is also immersive, but is not the focus right now. By all means, write down your ideas for that kind of dialogue while its fresh in your mind! Just perhaps save it for after we have all the idle banter done yeah? :)
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Here is my attempt at a Tel

Here is my attempt at a Tel Vos.  I have not been to this area in-game so if there is any weirdness relating to my inexperience, don't be shy about telling me.

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And here's some miscellaneous

And here's some miscellaneous street people in the area.

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Mishell wrote:

Mishell wrote:

And here's some miscellaneous street people in the area.

These are great!  But they will need to be voice-acted, and so they should fall under particular named characters.  Just down the block from Tel Vos is the village of Vos, populated by several people that you could tack some of these lines to.  If their location gives coordinates, they're outside in the streets.

http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Vos

  If there are any particular characters that the UESP mentions as having some sort of relationship with someone nearby but not mentioned as being in that same cell, let me know and I'll make a note to see that those characters meet up during their Skywind schedules.

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Wow, I really like all the

Wow, I really like all the collaboration you guys are doing! It's a nice change!

Maddogpony, I really like your writing style! I'm also glad you've been so willing to work with other writers. Your writing is high-calibre, and I have a feeling that passing your writing through review won't be too much of a problem for me. I do have a few more technical recommendations, though. First, could you take out Gadela Andus' player greeting lines? Don't delete them - they're really good - but just move them out of the way for now. The reason I ask this is because player greetings will generally be going in a separate category from idle banter, programming-wise. Greetings happen when the player is right up close to the NPC, idle banter/mutterings happen as long as the player is in the cell. If a greeting was under idle banter, a player might overhear it from across the room, directed to nobody in particular, which is kind of awkward. It's these kinds of subtle differences that we need to watch out for, because they can be surprisingly immersion-breaking if we let those kinds of things get in the wrong group. One last thing, please try to limit your "conditional" lines as much as possible. I notice you like to have a lot of lines that are quest-dependent, but generally those tend to add another layer of complexity to coding these lines in, and to make the lives of the people implementing this stuff easier, we want to keep these lines to a minimum. That said, it's okay to have a few lines that are quest-dependent, where you feel that they are necessary to depict a character or their circumstances properly, but in general, please try to keep the use of those low. Beyond those two points, I'm really happy with everything you have thus far!

Denevir, thanks for all the help! Having a loremaster in our midst is definitely a boon to the creative process. I wouldn't worry about getting too bogged down in the typo department, as we will be doing a big typo screening of all the dialog at the end. Just correct the really glaring stuff, but beyond that, there's not too much to worry about.

Mishell, you sure dish these out fast, and good quality too! Sorry I wasn't able to answer your question until now. At the moment, you actually have quite a bit more than you need for the Mages Guild. Not that that's a bad thing, of course. The more dialog we have, the more variety the player is exposed to. Generally, I like to say that each NPC should have dialog with one or two other people, and maybe have a muttering or two of their own. That's usually plenty to provide ample variety without going crazy with it.  Now, your Tel Vos Tower dialog is great! The only thing I'm not feeling is that "If I told you I'd have to kill you" line. It's just a little bit too cliche. Beyond that, amazing work! I like the concepts of your miscellaneous, but the "Miscellaneous" sections of the signup sheet don't mean general lines for anyone. It's more referring to the specific people around Tel Vos who aren't included in the Tel Vos tower itself. These are all the NPCs who wander the streets, who used to live alone in their own houses but now have the AI to leave them, basically all the people that weren't covered by the other cells in the signup sheet. It's be pretty easy to apply most of those lines you already have to specific NPCs, though.

Sputnick, you've come a long way in your writing ability since you first started with us! I would definitely heed the advice of your peers, as it is pretty valuable stuff. I would recommend, also, that you add some more interactions between the NPCs. If each NPC could have conversations with one or two (but ideally two) other NPCs, that would be perfect. As it is right now, there's not too much variety there.

PiPie, allow me to answer your question. I'll be blunt about this. The reason we're not including player-directed or race-specific dialog is not because we don't plan on doing it, but because we aren't doing it right now. Let's talk race-specific first. In the original Morrowind, it was very easy to do this, because all lines were written. But in Skywind, every line we write will be voice-acted. And if we had 10 different variations on the lines of every NPC, that voice acting task all of a sudden becomes ten times bigger. That said, we were already planning to implement some forms of this where we felt it was really needed (look at Smite's greetings for Desele's), but in general we don't want to make it a common occurence. Now, the more important part to address is player-directed dialog in general. We don't really want that AT ALL in the dialog we submit here. I already discussed why in my review of Maddogpony's work (see above). We will get to greetings and whatnot at a later time, I assure you, and we can worry about how much race-related stuff we want then. But for right now, idle banter and greetings are in two different categories, and idle banter is the project with the deadline. So that is what our writers will be doing for now.

Thanks everyone, keep up the good work!

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Smite & Justafan's feedback

Smite & Justafan's feedback received & understood!  Will fix Tel Vos and also get Tel Bramora to you tomorrow.

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This is my first submission.

This is my first submission. I'd like to help make Skywind a reality.

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@Smite or anyone else who can

@Smite or anyone else who can answer: On the spreadsheet there are three different listings that seem to mean the same thing.  Under Small Towns, right beneath Tel Vos Tower, is Tel Vos Miscellaneous, or something like that which I was working on.  Then under Towns Too Small for Separate Cells there is Vos, and also Tel Vos.  Are these all the same cell, and if not, can you clarify the difference?

Edit to attach my latest edit of Tel Vos Tower and my attempt at understanding what is meant by Tel Vos Misc. Street People.  :)  I went with the Vos NPCs that were listed as being outside (copied and pasted their UESP info to clarify), but I can add more Vos NPCs to that same file if you need.

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